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Becoming the Portal: A Sacred Journey of Pregnancy

In this initial post, I share my earliest experiences of realizing I was pregnant, including spirit baby visits, and feeling my body become an interdimensional vessel.

My journal doodles of our baby

Initial Signs and Reflections

One of the benefits of having many psychic friends is that I was told that conception would come easily for me. My mind didn't quite believe it, however, since my periods had been extremely light since removing my Mirena IUD over 9 months earlier. I'd had many readings in which friends and colleagues had seen my spirit babies around me, and told me Carlos and I would probably conceive in summer or fall 2018.

My own personal encounter with my baby happened one day in the summer of 2018, when I laid down on my treatment table in my office and relaxed. I felt a masculine presence around me, and knew that it was my child. I casually asked him what he wanted his name to be in this incarnation, and immediately "Oscar" came through. It was never a name I'd considered consciously, but both Carlos and I liked it! I didn't yet know when he would come in, or even if his spirit would be the one to incarnate with me, but it was deeply moving and reassuring that I already had the company of a child.

About two weeks before I could take a pregnancy test, I had a very strong suspicion I was pregnant for a few reasons. The first was an increased ease of channeling, and feeling like I was in two (at least!) dimensions at once.

There is a place that my soul often takes me in meditation, a purple and orange cloud landscape that is definitely not of the Earth. It's where I've encountered Arcturian beings, and always instills the most beautiful feeling of peace and unconditional love. On November 23, I was in a yoga class, and as class proceeded, that cloudscape felt more and more immanent, as if I were both there and on my mat, listening to the teacher. I felt total bliss and relaxation, and after a while, the voice of James, the Arcturian member of my light family who I've seen from time to time, became loud and clear in my mind. In a British accent and with a lot of humor, he spoke messages of complete reassurance and peace, which I felt viscerally in my body. I left class overjoyed, both very much embodied, and "elsewhere" ( though I've learned that there is no "elsewhere," as dimensions overlay one another in the here and now.) Directly after class, I went to my car, turned on my phone's video camera, and recorded my first ever channeling of James. It was clear that something had shifted in my being- that my identity as a separate self was over, and that more life and energy was moving through me than ever before.

It's said that pregnant women experience different physical and emotional states because of "hormones." Though I have no doubt this is true on a physiological level, I do believe that it is the radical energetic shift of becoming a portal for a soul that is the catalyst for the chemical changes in the body. Nausea also belongs here, as the body adjusts to existing in multiple dimensions. I think of it like motion sickness, only from interdimensional travel, as my soul connects to that of my child, adjusts its frequency to theirs, and helps them transition into my body, and the Earth.

Pregnancy is the most radically embodied disillusionment of the myth of the separate self. The "I" joyfully dissolves into the "We," never again to return.

When we are open to experiencing it as such, pregnancy becomes the greatest possible ego surrender, and the most human expression of faith in the divine. I believe that women who have difficulty with receiving and letting go can have very difficult pregnancies, if they are able to conceive at all. Of course, the modern medical system encourages women to control every step of their pregnancies, which I also believe leads to inordinate suffering, as control stands in direct opposition to the very essence of conception and pregnancy, which is surrender. It is the most feminine experience possible- and our society still deeply fears the feminine in its truest expression.

Now that I'm just over 8 weeks pregnant and adjusting to being this multidimensional vessel, I'm still quite nauseous and fatigued. I also find that my energy wants to be inward, and I'm less interested in socializing. So please don't take it personally if I decline your invitations to hang out- I'm quite occupied building a human body, and guiding the soul to our dimension.

Thank you all so much for sharing this very sacred journey with me. If I've shared this very personal blog with you, it means I love you very much.

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